Some famous jazz person lived here...

*names have been changed to protect the innocent... and the not so innocent. My thanks to the people that drug me around all weekend. You were excellent tour guides and fantastic people with great stories.

Well, I took a much needed vacation/exploration trip last weekend. I decided to head south... way south to New Orleans to see a good friend of mine. Aside from Florida I've never spent anytime further south than North Carolina, just like I've never spent time out west. Us East Coasters tend to be East Coast-centric.. we know there's a south, and a west and even a mid-west, we'd just rather not go. That being said, New Orleans is a city that is unique, wonderful, and like nothing else I've seen in my limited explorations of the US.

My friend, Jim (he gets that name because he reminds me of my uncle) was sure to get me out to do all the touristy things. I had a hand grenade at the Tropical Isle on Bourbon Street, a hurricane at Pat O's, and more things that I can't remember from that night. But I can tell you that the bars on Bourbon close.. that's right, they do actually close! At about 5am, and really no one wants to see what anyone else looks like at that time... trust me.

After much sleeping (and getting yelled at because I decided to wake up at 9 am, go back to bed!) We started to move about 3 pm. Then it was off on the street car again to meet up with more people at the Carousel bar on Royal. Really, it is a carousel in a bar and it moves, let me tell you that screwed me up more than I'd like to admit. Not that we were sitting on the moving part mind, we were sitting on the part that doesn't move and when I'd look up I'd get confused. Course, it doesn't take much to confuse me.

From there it was back out to Bourbon for the honorary tour of the classiest strip joints I have ever had the pleasure to see! Or rather the only strip joints I have ever seen... Have you ever seen a stripper light her nipples on fire? I have! Yes girls, you too can aspire to be a stripper on Bourbon, all you need is two 1 dollar bills, nipple rings and a lighter... I'll let you figure out the rest. There was also a girl who we were certain had no bones in her body... not a one. No human can move like that, maybe she was part snake? I will also admit to falling asleep, quietly, at the strip club. Yes, I'm old and lame now and a 5 am night followed by a 3 am night did me in.

Sunday I got the grand tour. Mostly because someone thought that the po'boy shops would be open... ahem. Know your city!! :) Just kidding. Anyhow, we (Jim, me, and Jim's friend, Kate who is a fantastic tour guide, her knowledge of random NOLA stuff is astounding) started at the SOS Festival (Save our Sandwich). Yes, you read right, a festival and street party dedicated entirely to the po'boy. New Orleans loves the po'boy (for those of us from above the Mason Dixon, its a hoagie) and its suffering a slow and painful death at the hands of corporate America. So why not have a party to bring it back? Kate (she gets that name because she reminds me of one of my favorite bartenders) mentioned to me that she had moved back from Baton Rouge because she couldn't get a decent piece of bread. These people take their sandwiches very seriously. And their festivals, why not combine the two?

Also, I got to eat a Snowball.... stop it, I've had snow before, this was more like... the shaved remnants of an ice sculpture in a cup, with a flavored sugary substance and condensed milk... what a fantastic idea. Highly recommended. Especially if you're still tired from Bourbon Street, there is nothing like a good sugar buzz to fix that. And I got to see a second line (a brass band that marches down the street, don't roast me on technicalities, I'm still learning). From there we decided to go get a po'boy instead of waiting in line... let me cut to the end of the story, about 5 hrs later we finally got food, but in the mean time I got a great tour of the lower 9th ward, the projects, Lakeview and other areas of the city. We ended up back in the quarter where my friend was very grumpy about not having eaten, and his friend and I were hysterical with laughter. I think we annoyed the waitress because she ignored us. Oh well, life is just too damn short to be that unhappy.

We went down to see police HQ which was destroyed during Katrina. As we're getting a quick and dirty tour of the area Jim says:
"Yeah, there was some big stink when they wanted to build here. It involved tearing down a house that was important. So they compromised and left that street sign, Jane Alley over there. Apparently some famous Jazz person lived here or something"
So Kate walks over to read the plaque and I hear...
"Jim! Louis Armstrong was born here! some famous jazz person... how about the famous jazz person"

He still hasn't lived that one down.

There was also some discussion about RIP T-shirts, which include an airbrushed sunrise (birth) and sunset (death) date along with a silk screened picture of the dead person. These are more popular among the... lower income classes. But it was made all the more funny when Jim was trying to find me a picture of them on the net and the news came on to tell us that a body had been found and they hadn't identified her, but she was wearing a pink tank top with a picture of herself silk screened on it... really? I mean, really? Was she already prepared for her murder? Was it a birthday gift gone wrong? I guess I'll never know....

All in all it is a fantastic city, and if you're one of those nay-sayers that thinks we should have let them drown, shame on you! The big easy has more vibrancy and history than you do in your little toe. Think twice before you bash New Orleans, they're pretty good at identifying and laughing at their own flaws, they know what's up, and they know you're tired of hearing about them, but go visit, have a po'boy and beignets at Cafe Du Monde, watch the bands play and revel in a town that knows how to extract the best parts of life, put them together, and laugh when it just doesn't quite work. But hey, you got up today right? That deserves a celebration!

http://www.cafedumonde.com/main.html
http://www.nola.com
http://www.poboyfest.com/
http://www.parasols.com/
http://www.hotelmonteleone.com/leisure/carouselbar.html

ps. for those of you worried about crime... I was there 4 days, there were 7 shootings, 1 stabbing, 1 medical, and 1 suicide. Baltimore, DC, and NYC have the same stats, they're no different than any other major city. Stop worrying, get your ass on a plane, and go support the economy, you need a vacation anyway.

Curse you stomach!

As many of you know I've been battling pretty severe stomach issues since April... some of you have even had the unfortunate experience of being around me when the pain occurs, my sincerest apologies.

I've been to the doctor and learned nothing (mostly because she refuses to call me back... ahem). And as I'm losing my good insurance on Nov 30th its not worth the battle at this point. Except for today. Today is Thanksgiving, a day where food brings us all together with the friends and family we are so grateful for (or at least for the stories they give us). I had every intention of going to a good friend's house, his mom is a fabulous cook, the family is great fun, what better day could I have? I had some yogurt this morning because I know its not a good idea to fast, as it got closer to time for me to head out the worse and worse I started to feel. I had to call and beg off because of the massive stomach spasms that took over my body.... stomach why do you hate me?!?

So, now that I've missed Thanksgiving (and I am hopeful that my friend's mother will send me leftovers) I've spent some time looking into what this may be. I started by making a list of what problems occur and what things are causing it. My mother has recently been diagnosed with IBS and because of that I'm at a higher risk. Also, I've lost close to 20lbs since the end of Aug without trying, and while I can stand to lose some weight, I'd rather be in control. Given everything I've tried, what the Dr said before she stopped talking to me, I've decided it's time to go gluten free.

Or as close to it as I can. For those of you who have no idea what gluten is, its the stuff that holds food together. Its wheat, rye, barley, oatmeal, and the hops in beer. I'm not looking forward to this unless it makes me feel better. Trust me you don't want to hurt the way I do on a daily basis. I figure I'll give it a try for the next few weeks and see if I feel better, if I do then I've figured it out, if I don't.... well then I get to eat pizza, po'boys, and brownies again. Oh yeah, this also means I have to figure out how to cook....

Really, this is too easy. Thanks to a good camera person, we have our esteemed leader of the free world attempting to talk turkey... maybe he finally found someone who understands him. Or he's still trying to figure out what that thing on its nose is...

For those of you who don't know the history, the first turkey was pardoned by President Abraham Lincoln. His son, Tad, wanted to keep it as a pet. After that our esteemed Presidents received turkeys, both alive and dead, until 1961 when JFK pardoned a turkey. There is also a runner up in this turkey lottery of a lifetime, just in case the first turkey is unable to perform its duties as the official national turkey... oh yes, they have things they have to do! It's not just a life of leisure. They have to attend events, like the 2005 Thanksgiving Day Parade in Disneyland where they (both the National Turkey and the first runner-up) were grand marshals of the parade. Oh yeah, and don't forget to enter the contest to name them!

I suspect that the rest of the bird nation may be plotting against these birds... when the chickens revolt I don't want to be around.

Happy Thanksgiving all!!