Thank you Southwest!

Thank you Southwest Airlines for the most entertaining safety instructions I have heard yet. They included:

"Please ensure your tray tables and seat backs are in the upright, locked, and most uncomfortable position. We will be coming through the cabin to check because we don't trust you"

"If you haven't been in a car since 1964, let me explain how the seat belt works. Please ensure that it is fastened low and tight around your hips, like the captain's speedo"

"In the event that this Southwest flight turns into a Southwest cruise we encourage you to take your seat cushion with you and kick paddle, kick, paddle the whole way to shore. We'll be right behind you with the complementary beer and peanuts"

"We don't anticipate a loss of cabin pressure, if we did we wouldn't have come to work today, but in the event that it happens, designer oxygen masks will fall from the ceiling. After you're done screaming and grabbing your neighbor please fully extend the plastic tubing to start the flow of alcohol, i mean oxygen, and breathe normally.... yeah right. "

"If you are traveling with a small child or someone who acts like it, please secure your mask first and then help them. If you're traveling with more than one child, now would be a good time to pick your favorite, who are we kidding, the one with the best earning potential, to save."

"If you don't like my jokes there are 6 exits off of this plane..."

"Welcome to Buffalo, as soon as my boyfriend... I mean the captain, has turned off the seat belt sign you can move about the cabin... please be careful getting your items out of the overhead bins, we don't want anyone going home with a complementary headache."

We also changed gates in Baltimore because "this plane has too much fuel, and its snowing in Buffalo"... really, snowing in December? Who knew? Not to mention this statement translates into... "This plane has too much fuel and its snowing, so if we slam into the runway we want to make it less likely we'll explode."

There you have it folks, an airline with a sense of humor.